he begged and screamed just like i did ; Gideon

[illegal]

S L A W T E R

all i need in this life is your crazy love

between the bottle of wine
and the look in your eyes
and the marvin gaye
then we danced in the dark under the september stars
in the pouring rain

I almost forgot what this place looked like. Though the sun was lazily climbing higher in the sky, the day was already warm accompanied by a faint and pleasant breeze. The weather had put me in good spirits despite the memories of the last time I had walked through the valley. It had been a long time since that fateful morning, and I had tried my best to forget it. Yet, something about the copper stallion kept drawing me back here. I no longer dreamed of my evil father, I dreamed of Gideon. I longed to hear his voice again even though I would most likely never believe a word he said to me. His scent hung heavily in the air and I knew this is where he still lived. He loved this land and there was no way he would have left without a fight.

I paused when the grass tickled my belly and closed my eye, taking in a deep breath. I think that's what I loved most about this place.

The peace.

It echoed in the wind, the trills of the birds, and the sighs of the larkspurs. It was as if nature decided to hit the pause button and saved that scene for you to remember when things got rough, and things had indeed gotten rough. I had lost weight and had become feverish. My remaining eye was developing a sensitivity to the sun, which caused me some grief since traveling was already difficult for me. That's why this quest was silly.

I wasn't sure why I had decided to trek and find Gideon again. Maybe it was my body breaking down on me. Perhaps the loneliness finally got under my skin. The latter seemed significantly more likely considering he was the last equine I had spoken to in... My. Had it really been two years already? Two years of silence? Two years of cursing myself for not staying in his arms? No wonder I was getting sick. My body finally caught up with my heart. Well, have no fear, body! I am home. I am back.

Now where the hell is Gideon?

if i never get to see the northern lights
or if i never get to see the eiffel tower at night
oh if all i've got
is your hand in my hand

baby, i could die a happy man

Dawn wif bae

[Dawn]

Gideon paused for breath as he leaned against a tree, shaking his head in frustration at his lack of fitness. After his "break" from the responsibilities of managing Larkspur Valley, he really had a lot of miles to cover, and his body was failing him. His sides heaved in and out as he fought off an uncharacteristic weakness. A few minutes was all he needed to recover, and it wasn't long before his breathing returned to normal. He again set forth through his home, on his way to visit Amalthea, who was safely ensconced in a group of willows where she had everything she needed to recover. Gideon had worked to gather material for a soft bed for her, so that her sores would pain her as little as possible. Trial and error had been his method of nursing her, as he had little knowledge of medicinal plants, but so far she was recovering well. Her sores were healing slowly but not getting infected, so there was that to be thankful for. He hated every minute he couldn't be by her side. He'd lost her once before when Autolycus stole her from his land. Thankfully the stallion had been of a gentle disposition, and Gideon was able to win Thea back without bloodshed. But he could not forget the moment that he realized what he had lost. It had shifted things in his world, extinguished old ghosts in his mind that still whispered to him warnings about loving others. Truly, Amalthea was the light of his life, his one reason to exist, and he cherished her without reserve. When he disappeared for weeks on end, she alone stayed in Larkspur Valley, and when he cried out for his missing herd, she alone answered his call, even though it cost her tremendously in strength. She loved him back, Gideon could not see how, but she did. Gideon was determined to get things right this time, to put his home in proper order and build her a family here so that she would enjoy life within their Valley. But that required him to leave her occasionally, which he did with great regret, and only after she pretty much ordered him to get out of her sight.

It was lonely in the world, with so few equines left. Something had happened to decimate the population of Imbros, although Gideon hardly knew what. Bones lay everywhere in the public places, and those lucky enough to still be alive wanted nothing to do with him. Gideon had tried to speak to several strangers, but without exception they all fled from him on legs that would barely support them, yet they kept up a surprising speed. He had begun to speculate, wondering at how his "episode" of insanity and Amalthea's illness seemed to coincide, and there were a few ideas in his head as to what might have happened. If one of his suspicions was correct, Thea had been in far more danger than he even realized, and by all rights, she should be dead. He was downtrodden and dispirited, wanting little more than to get home and snuggle next to Thea, feeling the warmth of her body next to his and knowing that she would live for another day. His grief over the loss of his herd was too painful for him to go near, and he feared that if he touched the upon the raw thoughts of his mares that were no more, he would lose himself again. Thea needed him to be strong. They were all the other had left in this world, he had to accept that this was the way things were now, and stop asking himself why? Why all these good, kind, special mares that deserved to live even more than he did? He kept going around in circles, but kept coming back to one thought: Amalthea was alive, and she was enough. He was desperately hollow from the loss of most of his family, but he was so incredibly grateful for Thea, and if he hadn't come back, she would have gone too. There was a legacy somewhere in that. He would put aside the grief for now, as he was used to doing, and carry on with life.

The grass grew long and unmoderated here, up to his knees, and billowed slightly in the warm breeze. The red dun roan lifted his head, embracing the wind and all the scents it carried with it. A faint perfume colored the air, and Gideon found himself seeking it out in particular, realizing it to be familiar. Someone was here, and although Gideon couldn't quite put his finger on who it was, it seemed that he knew them somehow. He picked up a high-kneed trot as he manoeuvred through the tall grass, swinging his head this way and that as he searched for an equine figure. A flash of white caught his eye; he turned his gaze in that direction, and was met with a petite Appaloosa, her face strikingly scarred with one eye. The recognition came hard and fast and flooded Gideon, leaving him breathless. He was emotionally compromised to begin with, after the loss of his herd and the stress-filled days of worrying over Thea; seeing a woman from the old days was like a punch in the gut. He remembered how their encounter ended, how Slawter, so full of pain and distrust, had challenged him in the real belief that he intended to hurt her. He'd admired her bravery in confronting an opponent like him, and the incredible badass way in which she'd gone about it. Even though the memories were fresh in his mind, he could not stop his pace from quickening, a pathetic little whicker coming from his lips as he approached her. "Slawter ... " he trailed off, coming to a stop in front of her. He peered at her with an expression of guarded emotion, not sure if he should hide how pleased he was to see her. She'd never been his, but that didn't stop him from wondering from time to time how she was getting on, and if she'd found happiness. Because if anyone deserved a peaceful life, it was her, after all she had been through. "It is good to see you again," he whispered, barely able to speak through the emotion constricting his throat. He blinked and looked away, trying to pull himself together. He had been through a lot these past few weeks. This blast from his past was almost more than he could take, but he welcomed it all the same.

tagged: illegal

[illegal]

S L A W T E R

i know it's hard to remember
the people we used to be

it's even harder to picture
that you're not here next to me
you say it's too late to make it
but is it too late to try

I was astonished that he hadn't found me already, considering last time I was in the ruler's land, he was on my hide before I knew what had happened. Our last talk had not ended well, perhaps he was just avoiding me. I had succumbed to my adolescent fear, allowing it to take over and turn me into a monster much similar to what my father had been. I had even gotten physical with Gideon and I had no right to do so. The brute had been nothing but nice to me, and was even concerned when I had one of my flashbacks. And I turned on him.

I sighed to myself and fought back the cough that had been growing in my chest for the past few days. If the red man ever showed up, I didn't want him to see me as being weak. I was not weak. I was strong. I was a survivor. But I was lonely. The few people I had seen since I found my way back to Imbros had dashed quickly in the other direction when they saw me. Usually I would believe that it was my missing eye that would send them running for the hills, however, they never actually got close enough to me to see the hole in my face. It was strange.

Then I heard him. My ears flicked to catch the sound of his call and I restrained myself from releasing one as well. I straightened myself and turned my single orb towards him, taking in the image that I had longed to see. His scent surrounded me and my head started to pound from the swarm of information that hung in the air. He smelled of female, faint sickness, and if emotions had a smell, he would smell like anguish. I couldn't speak when he uttered my name, for my throat had closed up with the tears I didn't expect. It was in the same tone he had when he was there for my panic attack, and all the memories of that day came flooding back. I felt it tugging at my brain, begging to take over and make me black out again, but I refused. I had worked hard to prevent those flashbacks from consuming me, and I wasn't about to let it happen again when I hadn't seen Gideon in years.

As he spoke, my eyes ran over his body so that I could remember every curve and edge he had. The thickness of his voice made me chuckle quietly, not to make fun of him but because of the unexpected happiness I got from it. "And it is good to see you, Gideon. It has been quite some time." My smile was so large that it made my head throb just a little more. I stepped closer to him and reached out with my muzzle, which was a significantly different gesture than the last time. I was so aggressive, so scared, that I was not myself. "I hope you can forgive me for disappearing for so long." I dipped my head to the side in embarrassment, worried that he would hold a grudge. Though he didn't seem the type, people could change.

The cough rattled through me before I could stop it. I took an unintentional step back, begging my sides to stop heaving so violently. It subsided quickly, and I struggled to regain my composure. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, but I spoke as if nothing had happened. "How have you been? Where is everyone?" Though I had never been in the valley long enough to actually meet anyone, I knew that the land had had a fairly good sized population running amuk. I had only found his scent in the breeze, no one else's, if you do not include the one that hung on his pelt. "It is a beautiful day, they should be out enjoying the sunshine." I had resorted to talking about the weather. How charming.

i've wasted my time
you turned out the lights
now i'm paralyzed
still stuck in that time

but, even the sun sets in paradise

Dawn

[Dawn]

It truly was glorious to see the varnished lady again. Two years had done little to chase away the memory of their tense encounter, and it remained one of Gideon's greatest regrets for how badly it had gone. Still, he hoped he had left a positive impression on Slawter by not attacking her, as she was sure he was going to do. Instead of allowing her to bait him, he had simply left the scene, realizing that the situation was barrelling out of control and that nothing he could say or do would convince her otherwise. Honestly, she was one of the last equines he expected to ever see again, and he was flabbergasted at her presence here. Absolutely flabbergasted. He'd convinced himself that Amalthea was all he had left of his original herd, and was prepared to say goodbye to everyone he knew and assume them dead. But here was Slawter, betraying his notions, and she was very much alive. If she had survived, somehow, maybe others had too. The thought gave him a tentative hope, and he knew he would regret it later when it refused to die.

He composed himself with a shake of his head; his problems were his own and Slawter had no need to bear the brunt of them. The expression on her face was unfamiliar, and it took Gideon a moment to realize that he hadn't seen her smile yet, not truly. It made her appear younger, more innocent, like the child she was before her sire had abused her. Gideon could imagine how she'd appeared before she lost her eye and gained her scars, and discovered that he didn't mind the difference one bit. Her lack of an eye did not disturb him; rather, it increased his regard for her, for being able to suffer such an injury and survive. It was a battle scar worthy of respect, and he thought that Slawter should carry it with pride. Of course, a wound like that held dark memories for her - she'd said it herself, the scars remind her that what happened was real. In that case, Gideon could understand that she would be angry and ashamed of it, for the wound came from someone who should have protected her. There was still beauty in the striking scars of hers, but she would need to reconcile her past before she could consider them to be anything but a disfigurement.

Slawter was thinner than he remembered, her petite form shadowed with ribs and bony points. Gideon could scent the sickness on her, and his expression changed to one of concern. Her too! It seemed that Amalthea wasn't the only one dealing with the ravages of illness. Perhaps that was why Slawter was here, to find somewhere she could feel safe while she recovered. But it didn't make sense, because Gideon hadn't made her feel very safe when he first met her. He found it hard that she would forgive him for that, but then, two years is a long time to experience the world and think about things. Perhaps in that time, Slawter had found it in her heart that she truly desired to come back and visit, for the land if not for him. Whatever the case, Gideon could see that she was just as gladdened by his presence as he was by hers, and he allowed the uncertain mask to slip off his expression.

His ears swivelled forward as she spoke once more, making an apology for how long she'd been gone. Gideon shook his head as if to say not to worry, he did not mind the length of time between their visits, he was simply pleased that she was here. The harsh cough seemed to come from nowhere, racking her body and causing Gideon to wince with sympathy. She was certainly sick, and this really concerned Gideon. She didn't appear in as poor condition as Thea, but she still would benefit from a place to stay and rest. Slawter's coughing fit disappeared as quickly as it came, and though she nor Gideon made mention of it, he noticed that her eyes had left his. She made a comment about his herd, asking where everyone was, and Gideon fought to keep the disquiet from showing on his face. It was only a natural question, of course, but he would have to explain and give voice to the very upsetting truths that were plaguing his mind.

It was quiet for a moment as Gideon tried to decide how to tactfully answer, without creating distress for either of them. "They would be out enjoying the sunshine, if they were here. However, I fear that I know nothing about their whereabouts. Once Larkspur Valley was home to a thriving herd, but no more," he replied gently, his voice under masterful control. He couldn't hide the pain of knowing that most of his herd was gone, but at least he didn't sound like a whiny, depressing brat about it. He hoisted a smile onto his features, wanting Slawter to know there was still hope in him yet. "I am hard to discourage, though, and intend to begin afresh in my plans for a herd. In a world full of broken families and torturous pasts, I want my Valley to be a place of stability, a shelter for those who need it. It seems even more necessary now, after all the evil our land has recently been through." He chanced a step closer to Slawter, still having trouble convincing himself that she was here. "I would like you to know that you are always welcome here, should you choose to cease your wandering and rest for a while. You wouldn't be alone - one of my mares, Amalthea, has survived, and she is here. I know she would absolutely love meeting you, and let's be honest, she'll soon be getting sick of seeing my face only," he joked. "How are you? That cough didn't sound good, are you unwell?" He hoped she wouldn't be embarrassed by him bringing it up, but he would have felt like the biggest jerk in existence for simply ignoring it and pretending it didn't happen. He cared about Slawter's welfare, and if something wasn't right with her, he wanted to help however he could.